Operation: Valentine
by D. Draggy
Summary: Valentine's Day. Love is in the air... and what kind of big brother would Joey be if he didn't keep an eye on his sweet, innocent sister? Of course, he'll need help. SetoJoey... eventually. Follow-up to "To Seto, From Joey".
1. Mind Your Own Business

**Summary:**  Valentine's Day.  Love is in the air... and what kind of big brother would Joey be if he didn't keep an eye on his sweet, innocent sister?  Of course, he'll need help.  Seto/Joey... eventually.  Follow-up to "To Seto, From Joey".  Post Dungeon Dice Monsters AU in which Serenity recovered her eyesight earlier than expected.

**Author's notes:**  Yes, it's a sequel to... a story not very many people wanted a sequel to.  Oh well.  You don't have to read "To Seto, From Joey", but it might help.

**Warnings:**  Occasional language.  Occasional shounen-ai.  

**Disclaimers:**  I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh.  Takuma Fudou is a name I borrowed from "GetBackers" because I couldn't think of one myself.  And remember, kids, don't use dice as projectile weapons.  Poor Joey was not harmed in the making of this fic.

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**Operation: Valentine**

**Chapter One:  Mind Your Own Business**

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So… Valentine's Day.

Don't get me wrong, okay? Anything that makes school any less boring is cool with me.  I mean, dragging my butt outta bed every morning just to plop down at a desk and listen to some boring teacher go on and on about some stupid thing like math while Duke Devlin bounces dice off my skull gets kinda old after awhile.  Ping, ping, ping, and then _I'm_ the one that gets in trouble for makin' a scene because the girls always side with Dice-boy.

Duke, Duke, he's our man! He makes me puke like no one can!

Yeah, yeah, I still haven't gotten over that dog thing.  Shut up.

Another die bounces off the back of my head.  I turn around.  "Stop it already!" I hiss.  Duke just pulls the 'innocent student' act.

"Mr. Wheeler," growls the teacher, "please stop disrupting the class."

"Yeah, yeah, sorry."  I pick up my pencil and pretend to take notes until the teacher stops looking at me.  I turn around to give Duke a dirty look, moving just fast enough to catch a die in the forehead.  Tristan thwaps Duke in the arm before he can launch another one.  I growl under my breath and go back to pretending to take notes.  Yuugi gives me a sympathetic look.

It's just not fair, ya know, how all the single girls in the whole school drool all over that dice guy.  I mean, what's a guy supposed to do?  I know all's fair in love and war, and if you've got it, flaunt it.  And boy does he flaunt it.

What that means, of course, is that I can't get a valentine for Valentine's Day on Saturday.  One day left to go, but who wants scruffy everyday Joey Wheeler when there's a groupie magnet two desks down?  Sure, I could look around outside the school.  I'd get with Mai, but she just disappears to wherever the hot older chicks go whenever she's done dueling.  Too bad, 'cause I really think we've got a thing going.

I know I'm making a big thing outta nothing.  It's just a stupid day, after all.  You don't need a valentine, not even Mai Valentine, to make it through Valentine's Day.  You can spend it alone if that's what you want.  It's just a day.  It's not like I needed anyone last year, or the year before that.  Or the one before that.

But that's not what's wrecking the day o' love for me. Oh no.

The problem is... Duke Devlin's tryin' to get with my little sister.

And so is Tristan.

They're fighting over her like she's some kinda trophy!  Look, I know little Serenity's all grown up and stuff, but jeez, I can't think of her like that!  I'd beat some sense into those turkeys, but the last time I did that, sis was _so_ not happy with me.  "Please, Joey, it's okay, I can take care of myself, really!" she said.  Fine.  I guess I can be a teensy tiny bit overprotective, so I promised to back off.

My sister doesn't need me to take care of her.

It hurts.

The bell rings and I head for the door.

"Joey, is everything okay?"  Yuugi looks at me, all worried.  "You look a little down."

I grin at him.  "Couldn't be better!"  I throw an arm over his shoulder.  "So," I stage-whisper, "got a hot date lined up for tonight?"

He blushes.  "Joey!"

I'm about to follow up when I get whapped in the back of the head with a textbook.  "OW!"

Tea glares at me while I rub my poor head.  "That," she says, "is none of your business, you pervert!"  She grabs Yuugi and drags him away.  Definitely an item.  The guy's gonna have the best Valentine's Day ever.

We all head for our next class.  The teacher of this one is some kind of wrinkly, freaky, no-humour old guy.  He's got control issues.  It's like he thinks that if he loosens up for even a second the whole class will rebel and chuck him out the window or something.  Scary man.  Detentions at the drop of a hat, and I should know.

We all settle down at our desks and get ready to do the learning thing. The whole gang's in this class: Yuugi and Tea in the desks beside me, Duke and Tristan behind me, Bakura near the front, and Kaiba way, way in the back.  The teacher, Mr. "The Finger" Fudou isn't here yet.  There's still some conversations going on and I accidentally on purpose listen in on Duke and Tristan's.

"Well, _I'm_ going on a date with her!"  Duke.

"Huh..?  But she said she'd go out with _me!_"  Tristan.

Pause.

"...Really?  No kidding?"

What can I say, I get bored real easy.  I turn around and watch the show.

"No kidding!  Look, I even wrote it down."  Tristan fishes around in his jacket and pulls out a piece of paper.  "Hot date, Valentine's Day, 5PM.  Read 'em and weep."

Duke frowns.  "Eh, I guess Serenity forgot she already promised one of us."

What an airhead...  waitaminute, _Serenity?!_

"I guess so... or maybe..."

My sister?!  Are they talkin' about my _sister?!_

"...You don't think..?"

"Both of us-"

"-AT THE SAME TIME?!!"

I _so_ did not want to hear that.  Both at the same time my ass!  _Fuck_ backing off!  I leap over the desks and grab'em both by the front of their shirts.  "WHAT THE HELL KINDA GIRL DO YOU THINK SERENITY IS, HUH?!"  

And that's when the teacher decides to walk in.

I freeze, a moron in each hand.  The class is dead silent.

The bell rings.

Mr. Fudou looms over me, veins popping out all over his face, and points, no, _jabs_ at me with his Finger.  "DETENTION!" he hollers to the whole world.

Aww, man, I just had one yesterday!  "But-"

The Finger doesn't let up.  "DETENTION!"

This has got to be a record.  The class hasn't been going ten seconds and I've already got detention.  He hates me, I swear.

Some guy way in the back snorts at the stupidity of it all.  The sound almost echoes in the too-quiet classroom.

And The Finger swings over to Seto Kaiba.  "YOU TOO!"

Kaiba's eyes widen, then narrow.  "Listen, Fudou, I am-"

"I DON'T CARE WHO YOU ARE!" he shrieks.  After a few deep breaths, Mr. Fudou calms down a little.  "You both have a detention.  I'll decide on the rest of your punishment after class," he bites out.

Ha, take _that,_ Kaiba!  I smirk at the stuck-up, rich snob.

He glares back at me with a look that says, _I will make you suffer, slowly and painfully, Joseph Wheeler, and I will enjoy it._

And my smirk drops off as I realize I'm gonna be valentine-less, in detention, with a pissed Kaiba, while my little sis does threesomes, the day before Valentine's Day.  And if this detention's gonna be like any of my other ones with The Finger...

I spend the rest of the class quietly thumping my desk with my forehead.  Who knows, maybe if I give myself a concussion I can leave early.

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**TBC...**


	2. The Detention That Never Ends

**Summary:**  Valentine's Day.  Love is in the air... and what kind of big brother would Joey be if he didn't keep an eye on his sweet, innocent sister?  Of course, he'll need help.  Seto/Joey... eventually.  Follow-up to "To Seto, From Joey".  Post Dungeon Dice Monsters AU in which Serenity recovered her eyesight earlier than expected.

**Author's notes:**  Thanks for taking the time to review! And Happy Valentine's Day 3 3 (please pretend those look like hearts).

I'll try to get another chapter up sometime next week. Currently, I'm using the school computer because my own compy had a serious hard drive failure (meaning: hard drive will make a unique paperweight). Good thing I managed to back up some stuff. Still, it's bloody hard to fic at school. Saturdays are not meant to be spent in classrooms, but I need my internet, dammit!

Cyristal: Nope, not going to update every day. Never again. If I have a chapter done, it'll go up. If not, I'm not planning to stay up late to finish it. School is top priority (I failed half my courses last time ;_;).

innominate: Glad you like it! Actually, I'm a little worried that the Seto/Joey luvluv isn't obvious enough, or moving fast enough. From the looks of it, it's going to stay non-obvious for the majority of the story. 

Jou-pup: I'll continue, don't worry ^_^

**Warnings:**  Occasional language.  Occasional shounen-ai.  

**Disclaimers:**  I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh.  Takuma Fudou is a fictional character and any resemblance to a teacher I had a few years ago is purely coincidental.  And remember, kids, don't sign your own absence notes.  No pens were harmed in the making of this fic.

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**Operation: Valentine**

**Chapter Two:  The Detention That Never Ends**

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I trudge back to The Finger's classroom after school for my detention.  I didn't get a concussion, but from the way my head hurts, I'm gonna get a nice bruise on my forehead.

Mr. Fudou and Kaiba are already there.  Kaiba looks pissed off, but Mr. Fudou looks kinda smug.

"I don't have time for this, Fudou.  I have a corporation to run," Kaiba says icily.

Mr. Fudou ignores him and focuses on me.  "So glad you could join us, Mr. Wheeler," he says sarcastically.  "Sit down, shut up, and stay that way until I say otherwise.  Oh, and I have taken the liberty of contacting your father.  He won't be expecting you back for a long, long time."

Same old, same old.  I sit down and keep my mouth shut while Kaiba gets madder and madder.  Mr. Fudou picks up a pile of blank notepaper.  "Sit down, Mr. Kaiba.  The sooner you get this done, the sooner you can leave."

After some thought, Kaiba finally sits down.  "I can have you fired, Fudou," he growls.

Mr. Fudou throws him a nasty smile.  "I don't care.  I'm retiring this year."  Goodbye and good riddance. He can't leave soon enough.  He hands Kaiba the stack of paper.  "What is my name, Mr. Kaiba?"

Kaiba blinks.  "Fudou."

"No, it is not."

Eh, it's not?  Unless he means "The Finger", but I don't think so.  "I'm quite sure it is Takuma Fudou.  I have done a background check on you," replies Kaiba, crossing his arms.

The teacher from hell slowly shakes his head.  "Ah, but you're wrong."  He leans into Kaiba's personal space.  If I were Kaiba, I'd be getting a big whiff of Fudou breath right about now.  Good thing I'm not him.  Kaiba stands his ground, though.  "Shall I tell you what it is?" breathes Mr. Fudou.

Kaiba lifts an eyebrow.  "Please do."

"It."  He gets closer.  "Is."  And closer.  Poor Kaiba.

The CEO of Kaiba Corp. is not a guy that backs down.  "Yes?"

He gets real close to Kaiba's ear.  "My name is..."  He takes a deep breath and lets loose.  "_MISTER_ FUDOU!" he screams at the top of his lungs so loud the windows rattle.  Birds burst from the trees.  Dogs howl and babies cry.  Kaiba topples right outta his chair.  I'm halfway to Kaiba's desk when the crazy teacher straightens, panting a little.  "Or 'sir'," he finishes.  He shoots a look at me.  "Are you out of your chair, Mr. Wheeler?"

"No, uh, sir."  And I back away until I hit my desk.  I sit down pretty damn fast.  The man's insane.  I mean, really, really, insane.

Kaiba stalks over to the teacher, so boiling mad I'm surprised the teacher's not calling the cops.  "You can't treat me like this!" he hisses.  "I AM SETO KAIBA!"

Mr. Fudou just smiles, calm as you please.  "See all that paper?  You will write, 'I will not call Mr. Fudou 'Fudou'' on every single line, on every single sheet of paper, both sides."

That's... a lot of paper.  What's _wrong_ with the teachers at Domino High?!

Kaiba chokes.  "You can't be serious!"

The smile gets wider.  "I suggest you get started, or else you will find all of your assignments mysteriously receiving a failing grade.  And wouldn't that be a shame for such a bright boy as yourself."

I can hear Kaiba grinding his teeth from here while he grabs a pen and starts writing.

Man, and I thought _Kaiba_ was a bastard.  I don't like Seto Kaiba, but this is just plain wrong.  It's cruel and unusual punishment, worse than what The Finger likes to give me!  I can't let this sick excuse for a teacher do this to the guy.  I just can't.  "Uh, Mr. Fudou, sir? Isn't that kinda, well, much?" I butt in.

He glares at me.  "Did I say you could speak?"

"No..."  I decide to go ahead anyway.  I'm too nice for my own good.  "But it's not like he did anything!  I'm the one that made the scene!  Not him."

The teacher nods.  "So you did, but that kind of behaviour is expected from, ah, someone of your breeding."  And what kinda breeding is that, huh?  "A person such as Mr. Kaiba must be held to higher standards."  He smiles evilly.  "Much higher standards."

Wow, he really hates Seto Kaiba.  He must be touchy about being called "Fudou".  "But-"

"Each word you utter from this point on will add an equal number of hours to your detention."

"Uh-"

"One hour."

"You-"

"Two hours."

A pen flies across the room and almost puts out my eye.  Kaiba.  "Just shut UP,  Wheeler!" he hisses.

Mr. Fudou picks up the pen and walks over to his great big teacher's desk.  He pulls out ten more sheets and drops the pen and paper on Kaiba's already-crowded desk.  Kaiba throws him the ugliest look I've ever seen.

I shut up.

The teacher from hell strolls back to his desk, opens a drawer, grabs a thick paperback novel, and starts reading it.

It's gonna be a long night.

~~~###~~~

The worst thing about Mr. Fudou's detentions is that they last forever.  My butt is going numb.  Do you know how hard it is to sit in a hard chair and do nothing for hours on end?  The only sound is the teacher turning the page and the scratching of Kaiba's pen.

Seto Kaiba.  Rotten brainy school bully by day, evil genius businessman by night.  A puzzle in a white trench coat, except when he's a puzzle in a blue school uniform, instead.

Ever since that "birthday party", he's been... well, not nice, but not super-mean, either.  It's like he's trying to be nicer to me, but he doesn't know how.  Like the way he snerks but doesn't actually mock me when I do something stupid, like today.  Or the way he doesn't call me a dog anymore.  Everything else under the sun is fair game, but not "dog".  Or the way he threw that pen and snarled at me so that I'd stop adding even more hours to my detention.

I wonder what he did with that costume, anyway?

Seto Kaiba.

Duel-crazy weirdo.

Geek with a Grudge.

Moneybags.

Big Bad Rich Boy.

Seto Kaiba...

...is staring at me 'cause I'm staring at him.  I snap outta my boredom-induced coma and try to act all casual.  He gives me a funny look but goes back to his lines.

Forget about Kaiba, what am I gonna do about my sister?  What am I gonna do about Duke and Tristan?  What _can_ I do?  The date's tomorrow.

I hear some noise from the teacher's desk.  Looks like Mr. Fudou's done with his novel.  He stretches.  "I'm going to get something for dinner.  You two had better still be here when I get back," he warns.  I nod like a good little boy.

And the teacher from hell is gone.

Finally!  I drag myself outta my chair, shaking out my arms and legs until the blood starts moving again.  Mr. Fudou won't be back for at least an hour.  He likes to take long dinners before coming back to his classroom.  I think he lives here.  There's something seriously wrong with this school, I swear.  Full of freaky teachers and, come to think of it, freaky students.

I hear a long sigh.

Kaiba puts the pen down and slowly stretches.  I wince at the sound of his joints popping.  His fingers must be hurting by now.  "You okay?" I ask him.

He gives me a pissy look.  "What do you think, Wheeler?  I've been writing lines for the past two and a half hours!"  He massages the cramps outta his hand.

Okay, okay, it was a dumb question.  I make my way over to his desk.  The poor guy's not even half done.  That teacher is sick.

"Go make yourself useful."  Kaiba plucks a sheet he's managed to fill out from his "done" pile and gives it to me.  "Take this, and make-" he eyes the "not done" pile, "twenty double-sided colour copies."

Nice try, Kaiba.  "Love to.  Won't work."

He glares at me.  "What do you mean, 'won't work'?"

I move both piles outta the way and sit on the edge of his desk.  "Tried it before.  He checks the writing."  I pick up Kaiba's pen.  "If two pages match, he makes ya do it all over again."

Kaiba groans.  Grabs his pen outta my hand.

I'm not gonna...  not gonna...  "Want any help with that?  Since I'm not doin' anything."  Dammit.

"You can write?"

Ha ha.  "Funny guy.  Yeah, I can write."

Arched eyebrow.  "Not that I don't appreciate the offer, but wouldn't 'Mr. Fudou'," and he spits out the name, "notice that something is amiss if my handwriting suddenly changes halfway through?"

I grin and hop off the desk.  "Nope.  Gimme a pen and I'll show ya."

Kaiba takes out another pen from his inside jacket pocket and hands it over, probably wondering what I'm gonna show him.  "Well?"

I take a close look at the filled sheet he gave me before.  "Wait a sec."  Sharp corners _there,_ a bit of a loop _there,_ and a sorta stabby motion right _there._  Press down hard like it's the teacher's face.  Got it.

I pick up a fresh page and write out five lines.  Scritch scritch scratch and there we go.

Kaiba grabs it, scans it, looks surprised.  "This is my handwriting!"  He gazes at me with something that would almost be respect if he weren't Kaiba.  "Quite impressive.  Where did you learn to forge someone else's writing?"

I shrug.  "Taught myself.  Easy."  Especially if your dad's too "busy" to sign his name on school forms.  School would suck even more if I didn't know how to do it myself.  "So do I pass or what?"

He smiles.  "I wouldn't dream of stopping such a learned delinquent from doing the most tedious work on earth."  He shoves the "not done" pile in my direction.  "Help yourself."

Whoa.  "I didn't say I'd do it all!"

"Well, you're the one complaining about having nothing to do," he fires back… but he starts filling out another sheet.

I grab the desk beside Kaiba's and drag it over until they're touching.  The guy gives me a weird look, but then he just moves the pile of paper over a bit so that we can both reach it.

I sit down at my new desk and start writing.

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**TBC...**


	3. The Plan

**Summary:**  Valentine's Day.  Love is in the air... and what kind of big brother would Joey be if he didn't keep an eye on his sweet, innocent sister?  Of course, he'll need help.  Seto/Joey... eventually.  Follow-up to "To Seto, From Joey".  Post Dungeon Dice Monsters AU in which Serenity recovered her eyesight earlier than expected.

**Author's notes:**  Thank you all for the reviews! Spot any mistakes? Please let me know and I'll try to fix them.

Yay, my computer's running again (and just in time for midterms)!

Cyristal: There's a reason why Kaiba's mellowed out.

innominate: What possible explanation could ff.net have for doing away with paragraph breaks? And my computer is now fixed ^_^ The hard drive is so much quieter now. I'd gotten used to the constant rattling, clacking, and scratching sounds the old one made.

Jou-pup: Don't worry, we won't be seeing the evil teacher again for a while. *zaps Fudou out of the story*

Shousetsuka1: Sorry for taking forever to get to the point. Hopefully the story will move a bit faster after this chapter...

**Warnings:**  Occasional language.  Occasional shounen-ai.  

**Disclaimers:**  I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh.  And remember, kids, don't take certain words or phrases out of context.  No doors were harmed in the making of this fic.

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**Operation: Valentine**

**Chapter Three:  The Plan**

* * *

_I will not call Mr. Fudou 'Fudou'._

_I will not call Mr. Fudou 'Fudou'._

_I will not call Mr. Fudou 'Fudou'._

Why the hell am I doing this?  And for _Kaiba_ of all people!

_I will not call Mr. Fudou 'Fudou'._

I mean, _I'm_ not the guy who got Fudou's name wrong.  Still, this is pretty harsh just for calling the guy "Fudou".  At least next time Kaiba'll know better and not call him that.

_I will not call Fudou 'Mr. Fudou'._

_I will not call Fudou 'Mr. Fudou'._

Poor me.  Poor Kaiba.

_I will not call Fudou 'Mr. Kaiba'._

...Dammit.  Just _thinking_ about the guy makes me mess up.  "Kaiba?"

He sighs and slides the correction stuff to me with one hand.  I run the white tape thingy over my mistakes and problem solved.  Way neater than the runny white stuff.  I slide the thing back to Kaiba.  Back to work.

I go at it for another fifteen minutes until I just can't take it anymore.  "Kaiba?"  I stop him before he hands me the correction tape again.  "No, I didn't make another mistake."

He keeps writing.  "Then what is it, Wheeler?"

I yawn and lean back in my chair.  "Nothin'.  I'm just dying from boredom."  Doing lines does that to a guy.  I swear, any more and I'll _really_ go into a coma.

"Well, that's just too bad.  Feel free to go back to your desk so you can sit there in silence.  That's what you're supposed to be doing, anyway."

I pretend to think about it.  "Nah, that'll just do me in faster."  I rub my hand.  It's gonna be all stiff tomorrow, I just know it.  "Man, this detention is killer!  Duke and Tristan are really in for it once I get outta here."

"You should be used to getting detentions by now."  Kaiba keeps writing until he's finished with that side.  Then he flips it over and starts the next side.  I groan and get back to work.

I slip back into my detention trance and we write lines for who knows how long.  After a while, Kaiba puts his pen down and breaks the silence.  "Why were you attacking them, anyway?  Did Devlin throw one die too many?"

Hey, Kaiba's actually starting a conversation with me!  Too bad he picked such a sucky topic.  I put my pen down too and rub my eyes.  So tired.  "They were talkin' about Serenity."  But the dice thing pisses me off, too.

"And?"

I peek at Kaiba outta the corner of my eye.  "And they... said stuff.  About Valentine's Day.  About her."  I make a face.  "And them."  Talk about images I don't want in my head.  Sick.  I play with my... Kaiba's... pen.  Looks like I've been chewing on it while doing the lines.  At least, I hope it was me.  If this thing's been in Seto Kaiba's mouth...  "So I freaked out.  C'mon, she's my _little sister._  It's, like, my duty as her big brother."

"How noble."  I can't tell if he's being sarcastic or not.  "Still, you should have waited until after class."

I shrug.  "Maybe."

Kaiba picks up his pen again, starts on a fresh sheet.  "Personally, I don't understand the insanity that surrounds that holiday.  It's a complete waste of time."

My thoughts exactly, especially after all the trouble it's gotten me into.  "Yeah, it's so fake.  All... flowers and chocolates and cards and stuff."

"Indeed.  And, like the sheep they are, people blindly follow the tradition of commercialized imitation love."  He writes some more.  "Even the students here.  Pathetic."

Or something like that.  Whatever, man, but I wonder...  "So whatcha gonna do on Valentine's Day?"

Kaiba blinks.  "The same thing I do on any other day.  Work."  The pen slows down.  "I'm designing the prototype for a new duel disc system."

Something to look forward to unless he's gonna test it on me.   The thought gives me the shivers.  Bad memories.  "But...  on a Saturday?"

He stops writing.  "Kaiba Corp. doesn't shut down on weekends, Wheeler."  And it's not like he's gonna be with somebody on Valentine's Day, anyway.

That sucks, but, hey...  "Can't you take the day off or something?"

"I suppose I could, if I had a reason to do so.  I _am_ the CEO.  "

"Oh.  Yeah, that makes sense."

We both sit there.  I'm sorta waiting for him to pick up the hint, but he's taking his sweet time about it.

After a while, Kaiba sighs.  "What are you planning to do on the fourteenth, then?" he finally asks, pretending to care.

I lace my hands behind my head.  "Maybe I'll get a date."  Yeah, right.  I've got bigger plans.

A snort.  "You?  Date?"

What makes you think I can't, Moneybags?  I glare at him.  "Maybe I'll hook up with a hot babe and party all night."

He smirks.  "And who's the lucky girl?"

Good question.  "Eh..."

Kaiba leans back in his chair.  "Just admit it, Wheeler.  You're going to spend the day alone with a tissue box while all your friends spend it with their sweethearts."

I grit my teeth.  Bastard.  "It's just a stupid holiday."  That Duke and Tristan are gonna be enjoying way too much for my peace of mind.  I know what Tristan's like around girls-

-and I just got totally sidetracked.  My plan's no good if I totally forget to mention it.  "Besides, I'm not gonna be sitting around doin' nothing," I try to say sorta mysteriously.

He raises an eyebrow.  "Oh?"

Yeah.  "I'll keep an eye on Serenity.  Make sure those guys don't mess around with her."  Now is that a plan, or is that a plan?

Kaiba's not impressed.  "You mean you're going to stalk your own sister."

Look who's talkin'!  "Look me in the eye and tell me you're not trackin' your brother on your fancy gizmos right now," I challenge.

He doesn't deny it.  Ha!

Kaiba goes back to his papers.  He's almost done.  "I wish I could be there to see the mayhem that will follow when she catches you at it."

Brilliant.  Perfect.

"So come with me."

Kaiba stiffens, drops his pen.  "What?"

Whoops, I guess we weren't on the same page, after all.  "Come with me tomorrow!" I insist.  "You could back me up!"  Usually, I'd get Tristan to do this kinda thing with me, but since he's one of the guys after my sister…  and Tea'll stop Yuugi from helping me out and I don't wanna wreck their date...  and Bakura's just too damn nice...  "C'mon, please?"

He picks his pen back up and taps it against his bottom lip, thinking.  "And you want me to take a day off to participate in this brainless, and possibly illegal, scheme of yours?"

Seto Kaiba can make my best plans sound totally stupid.  "Uh... yeah..."  Dammit, I want Kaiba with me on this.  "Look, I just wanna make sure my sis is gonna be okay.  I... worry, ya know?  Just because."

He gives me a measuring look.  "And you do understand that you'll deserve it when your plan explodes in your face?"

"Not gonna happen!"  Unless he's totally jinxed it with his Kaiba doom 'n gloom.  Nothing ever goes the way I plan when I'm around this guy, but I still want his help.  You can say a lot about Kaiba, but if he's on your side, really on your side, it's all good.  "Nothing'll go wrong."

"Oh, but it will.  Spectacularly.  After all, it's _your_ plan."  He smirks.  "It should be rather amusing."

Kaiba, you rotten little-  wait, was that a "yes"?  I look at him.  He looks at me.  Must be a "yes".  Can't _not_ be a "yes".

Perfect.  I can't keep the grin off my face.  "You drive?  Something not too flashy?"

"I might."

The guy's rich.  He can get any car he wants.  "Great!  Let's meet up at my place on Saturday at..."  What time did Tristan say the date was...?  5PM?  "...4:30PM.  We'll work out a battle plan and then go stake out Serenity's house."  I check to see if Kaiba's paying attention.  "That okay with you?"

He dodges my question.  "It sounds... interesting."

"Forget how it sounds!  You in or not?"  Quit teasing me, Kaiba...

He opens his mouth...

And the doorknob rattles.

SHIT! Mr. Fudou!  I fly over the desks 'til I'm back where I'm supposed to be while Kaiba grabs all the work I did for him and dumps it on his own desk.  He kicks the desk I moved back to its old spot right before the door opens.

Mr. Fudou walks into the room.  Kaiba's doing lines like he hasn't been doing anything else.  I'm sitting at my desk like a good little boy.  Kaiba quickly waggles his pen at me.  Shoot, I almost forgot!  I drop my own chewed-up pen into my lap before The Finger sees it.

The teacher from hell sweeps us with his evil gaze.  I make myself look miserable.  Easy to do.  He smiles, satisfied.

He switches his attention to Kaiba.  Kaiba glares back, but then thinks better of it and looks down at his desk, instead.

Mr. Fudou leafs through the pile of paper.  They're covered with "I will not call Mr. Fudou 'Fudou'".  Every single last one.  He smiles.  "Have you learned your lesson, Mr. Kaiba?"

"Yes, sir."  Wow.  I didn't know Kaiba could _do_ weak and submissive.  You learn something new every day.

"And what is that lesson?"

He doesn't look up.  "I must address my superiors with the respect they deserve, Mr. Fudou, sir.  I neglected to do so earlier, which was wrong of me, sir."

"Yes, it was."  Mr. Fudou walks back to his huge desk and sits down.  "I am your better, and you'd better not forget that."

"I apologize for my behaviour, sir.  It will not happen again."

Kaiba sounds like he really means it, too.  Mr. Fudou nods.  "Make sure it doesn't."  He checks the clock.  It's pretty late.  "I suppose you can both go now."

_At last._  I can't wait to get outta here!  "Thanks, Mr. Fudou, uh, sir!"  I grab the pen off my lap and try not to run for the door.

"Thank you, sir."  Kaiba slowly gets up, brushes himself off, and walks past me with all the dignity a CEO of a powerful corporation can muster.  He walks pretty damn fast; it's a miracle we don't mash ourselves trying to get through the doorway at the same time.  Kaiba closes the door behind us once we're in the hall and stalks off at the speed of light.

I run to catch up.  "Yo, Kaiba!"

"...wretched excuse for a teacher shouldn't be allowed to live," he growls.  He glares at me, not even slowing down.  "What do you want now?"

Looks like Mr. Fudou made Kaiba all pissy again.  "About the plan..."

That eases his bad mood.  I catch a quick smile.  "I'll see you on Saturday."

Kaiba's onboard!  "Great!  Do you need my address or anything?"

"No need."  That smile twists into something that'd look right at home on, say, a man-eating shark.  "I know where you live."

He's scary when he looks like that.  I try to shrug it off.  Kaiba's just playing with me, I know.  He gets off on that kinda thing.  "Yeah, whatever, man.  Just be there at 4:30."

"Of course."

He swings open the last set of doors and the cool night air blasts us both.  There's a limo waiting outside for him.  He heads for it.

"See ya tomorrow, Kaiba!" I yell after him.

Kaiba half-turns and sorta waves at me before he gets into the limo.  The driver closes the door for him and, a second later, they're gone, driving off into the night.

I stretch a little before heading down the street.  I think I'll get started on my homework a little earlier tonight.  Big day tomorrow.

* * *

**TBC...**


	4. Mission Start

**Summary:**  Valentine's Day.  Love is in the air... and what kind of big brother would Joey be if he didn't keep an eye on his sweet, innocent sister?  Of course, he'll need help.  Seto/Joey... eventually.  Follow-up to "To Seto, From Joey".  Post Dungeon Dice Monsters AU in which Serenity recovered her eyesight earlier than expected.

**Author's notes:**  Thanks for still reading this, four chapters in ^_^  Don't worry, it won't be another 30+ chapter epic (though I actually feel that it was only 15. Each part was pretty short)!

As you may have noticed, updates will be sporadic. Midterms. Papers. Projects. Nuff said.

Special thanks to Kimmie for helping me with certain wardrobe issues. With luck, this information will be used more than once ^_~

Blue Lagoon Loon: Yeah, Kaiba's acting a bit... odd... Forget about the plan! Run, Joey, run!

innominate: I hope the rest of the month goes a little better :) And I did not know about the indirect kissing thing (I learned something new! Yay!). And similar is fine, no credit needed. Besides, you probably had the idea first, and I unconsciously used my psychic connection to the universe to read your mind ^_^ Re Kaiba: your questions will be answered, eventually...

tdei: The power of YGO: you can get sucked into the fandom without even watching the show. Scary, but glad you like the story regardless ^_^

**Warnings:**  Occasional language.  Occasional shounen-ai.  

**Disclaimers:**  I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh.  And remember, kids, drive safely, not like a crazy man.  No belts were harmed in the making of this fic.

********************************************************

**Operation: Valentine**

**Chapter Four:  Mission Start**

********************************************************

I hear the loud, annoying honk of some guy leaning on his car horn and not caring that he's pissing off the whole neighbourhood at 4:30PM on the dot on a Saturday.  Gee, I wonder who that could be.  Happy Valentine's Day, world!  I give you... Seto "Bastard" Kaiba!  I check myself in the mirror one more time.  I look okay, right? Not too casual, but nothing that'll make me stand out.  Perfect for keepin' an eye on whoever's planning to date my sister.  I get my bag and make my way outta my apartment building before somebody calls the cops on Kaiba for bein' an ass.

He's parked pretty close by.  At least, I'm guessing it's him.  How many blue two-door sports cars with shaded glass out there have "SETOKAIBA" on the license plate?  I tap the glass on the passenger side door.  The horn stops and I hear a "click" as the door unlocks for me.

I open the door and peek inside just in case it's a kidnapper or something.  Brown hair, blue eyes, and a white trench coat.  "Are you getting in or not?" he asks, impatient from waiting a whole two minutes.  Yup, definitely Seto Kaiba.

It takes a bit of work, but I manage to sit down with my bag on my lap.  I reach out and close the door.  There's barely enough room.  "Hey, Kaiba.  Nice car.  Kinda small, though."

"Well, I didn't think you'd bring your luggage with you," he shoots back, eyeing the bag.  "What on earth is in there?"

I check it off on my fingers.  "Binoculars, chips...  You've got a cellphone or something on you, right?"  He nods, frowning.  Good.  "Handcuffs and rope in case there's trouble, flashlight, and... I forget.  Some other stuff."

Kaiba shakes his head.  "Your sheer idiocy astounds me.  Why in the world would you need all that?"

"Hey, I dunno where they're gonna take my sis!" I retort.  "Might come in handy."  I check my watch.  "Let's head out.  You know where she lives?"

"Of course I do.  What kind of incompetent do you take me for?"  My partner in crime throws one last look at my gear before pulling away from the curb and into traffic.

Ya know, I'm kinda surprised Kaiba just called me an idiot and left it at that.  A few months ago, he would've gone on to "pathetic duelist", added some general-purpose "you suck", and garnished with a sprig of "chihuahua".  I like the change, _love_ the change, but it keeps making me think he's up to something.  Am I gonna call him on it?  Nope. I'm gonna enjoy it while it lasts.  He's almost nice to me, he's helping me, and I'm not gonna mess with that until after Serenity's date.  I just hope he doesn't spring the trap 'til tomorrow.

Ten minutes later, we're parked across the street from my sister's home.  We sit and lie in wait.

"Wheeler," he suddenly says.

I stop scanning the street for Duke or Tristan.  "What?"

"What if you misheard and she only wants to date one of them?"

That's what I'm hoping.  I shrug.  "Then it's none of my business and we go home."

A snort.  "Great plan, Wheeler."

"Oh, shut up.  Let's just see what happens."

At 4:51PM, a convertible with the biggest set of furry dice I've ever seen roars down the street from the other direction and screeches to a stop.  Duke and Tristan both get out, and they both walk to the front door.  After a quick fight, Tristan's the one that knocks.

Serenity opens the door, all smiles.  Tristan says something, my sis says something, but then Duke butts in and says something else.  It's too far away for me to hear.  Serenity says some more stuff, locks the door, and then...

...takes Tristan's arm in her right...

...and Duke's in her left.

And the happy trio drives off.

I can't believe it.  My little sister is... is...

Kaiba coughs.  "Do you want me to follow them?"

My little sister...  ARRGH!  Snap out of it, Joey!  "_Hell_ yeah!  Don't let 'em get away, Kaiba!  Get 'em!"  Why isn't he moving?!  I shake him.  "GET 'EM!"

He shoves me back to my side of the car, hits the gas, spins the wheel, and, with a scream of tires, does a massive U-turn, scraping the paint off cars parked on the other side of the street.  Kaiba floors the accelerator and we screech after Duke's convertible.  Nothing snaps you outta sister-induced shock like a near-death experience.

I look back at the massive destruction we just caused and decide right there to put on my seatbelt.  "Kaiba..."  People come outta their houses, waving their fists at us.

He shrugs it off.  "That's what insurance is for."  His blue eyes scan the road for our furry-diced prey.  "What are you going to do after I catch up with them?"

"_We_ are gonna follow 'em around and make sure nothing weird happens to my sister.  Incognito," I add.  It's a little too late for incognito, though.  Kaiba and low-profile don't mix.  Maybe we can change the license plates later.

This guy should not be allowed to drive.  Ever.

We follow the convertible wherever it goes, hanging far enough back so that they don't notice us.  Everybody else sure notices us, though, what with Kaiba driving like he owns the road and all.  Maybe he does, but who's he tryin' to impress?  Me?

The Dukemobile eventually stops in the parking lot behind a nice restaurant.  Duke, Tristan, and my little sister get outta the car and walk inside.  Me and Kaiba park after they're in.  We wait 'til we're sure they're not coming back out before doing anything.

I have to climb over my bag to get out.  "Hey, Kaiba, can I put my stuff in the trunk?"

He sighs and unlocks it.  I stuff my bag in the trunk and I'm about to close the lid when something else occurs to me.

"Kaiba."

"What now?" he growls at me.

"The trench coat.  Off."

_"What?"_

"We're tryin' to keep a low profile, Kaiba!  You can't go in wearing _that!_  Everybody'll know it's you!"

"Everybody will know it's me anyway!" he argues.

"Just don't tell 'em your name and it'll be fine!  It's not like they're expecting you or something!"

He thinks it over.  "You're absolutely right, Wheeler.  Nobody would believe that I, Seto Kaiba, would willingly spend time anywhere near you."

"Right- hey!"

Kaiba shrugs off the white trench and takes out the skinny wallet in the inside pocket.  The wallet goes into the back pocket of his pants and the coat goes in the trunk.  Too bad the belts on his arms don't come off so easy.  He takes so long I get fed up, grab his right arm, and start working on them myself.

He spins around.  "Wheeler!" he hisses.

Touchy.  "You're taking too long!"  I struggle with the first one.  "You do one arm and I'll do the other, okay?"  The belt comes off.

Glare.  He yanks off the last belt on his other arm and tosses it in the trunk.

After a bit of work, I get the other one off.  There.  Done.  I stuff the two I've got into my bag, zip it back up, and slam the lid closed.

I look at Kaiba.  And stare at the belt around his waist.  The one with the giant "KC" on the silver buckle.  Almost as much of a giveaway as the coat.

He shifts a little.  "Why are you staring at my crotch, Wheeler?"

I go red.  "Am not!  I just... want the belt off."  Man, that sounded bad.  "It just sorta... jumps out when I look at-"  I should just shut up now.

He looks at me, crosses his arms, leans against the car.  "Maybe I should just strip naked in the parking lot right now," he suggests.  Sarcastically, I hope.

But wouldn't that be a sight to see.  Seto Kaiba doin' a striptease, right here, right now, in that same cold, arrogant way he does everything else, totally in control, using the car as a prop, with the setting sun changing everything to gold...  I force the mini-movie outta my head.  What were we talking about?  Belt.  Yeah.  "It's got your company initials on it!"  And my voice did _not_ come out funny, thankyouverymuch.

He grumbles a lot, but he takes it off _in a totally non-stripping way,_ opens the trunk back up, and tosses it in.  Kaiba doesn't look happy.  "I usually don't walk around without my coat.  Or a belt."

Metal arm cuffs, black turtleneck, locket that guides the eyes down to tight black pants that are in _no_ danger of falling down-

_nope, definitely not boxers, not that I'm looking or anything_

-boots, and a pissy attitude.  "You still look bad-ass, Kaiba.  Can we go now?"

"I suppose."  He looks me up and down, smirks.  "The jacket.  Off."

Eh?  "Uh, why?"

"If I can't wear my coat, neither can you," he says oh so reasonably.

Serenity and her dates will be long gone by the time we walk inside at this rate!  "Aw, c'mon, Kaiba..."  I can see he's not budging.  Not worth arguing over, so the jacket comes off and into the trunk it goes.

I check myself out.  Jeans, white shirt, sneakers.  Almost the same as my usual look except that I'm not wearing a T-shirt today.  Compared to Kaiba, I look...  "I look okay, right?"

He doesn't say anything, just leans against the car, looking at me in that way he has.

This guy goes outta his way to drive me nuts.  "Right?  Not that I care, but it's, you know, a nice restaurant."  And if everyone in there's in fancy evening wear, I'm gonna get kicked out and Kaiba'll have to watch my sister without me.  Now that I think about it, Kaiba'll probably get kicked out too, but for totally different reasons.  So much for my plan.

But Kaiba smiles.  "You look fine."  He fishes a small gizmo outta wherever he was keeping it and sticks it to Duke's convertible.  "A tracking device," he explains.  Hey, that's a pretty good idea.  With that thing, Kaiba won't have to drive like a crazy man to keep them in sight.  Tech-boy brushes his hands off.  "Shall we go?"

We've wasted too much time already.  "Yeah.  Let's."

********************************************************

**TBC...**


	5. Dinner

**Summary:**  Valentine's Day.  Love is in the air... and what kind of big brother would Joey be if he didn't keep an eye on his sweet, innocent sister?  Of course, he'll need help.  Seto/Joey... eventually.  Follow-up to "To Seto, From Joey".  Post Dungeon Dice Monsters AU in which Serenity recovered her eyesight earlier than expected.

**Author's notes:**  Thank you for your patience if you've been watching this fic since chap.1, I know it's been awhile since I last updated :P

One more exam to go. Math. Whee.

ColeyCarissa: Maybe ^_^

Iba: *blink* *blink* *cough*... And thanks :)

innominate: Yami doll? Ooh lemme see!

Hmm... "The Dragon: Revealed"? Nope, that sounds like a supermarket tabloid... And if Joey plans to get on top of the situation, he's going to need the hardware (take that as you will).

r*a*d*i*a*n*y: Why would Kaiba get kicked out? Well, I don't think very many nice restaurants would let just any guy wearing huge gleaming metal arm cuffs and tight pants with boots (with belts sticking out from the sides) inside...

Driver's licenses... It doesn't matter whether it's legal wherever they are. Domino seems very lax law-wise. Kaiba could try to kill someone in front of a live audience and nobody would bat an eye, I think.

serina: Well, I suppose I could make the chapters longer. Just don't expect a new one anytime soon. It took over a month to find the time for this one, so you can imagine how long it'd take for a lengthier one.

Tuulikki: I guess I'm just as bad, then. I typed up the rope and handcuffs with the purest of intentions, but then I read it over and... yeah *cough*

**Warnings:**  Occasional language.  Occasional shounen-ai.  

**Disclaimers:**  I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh.  And remember, kids, don't play with your food.  No tables were damaged in the making of this fic.

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**Operation: Valentine**

**Chapter Five:  Dinner**

********************************************************

We walk into the restaurant.  It's packed full of couples enjoying their romantic dinners; dim lighting, soft music, the works.  I scan the tables, looking for my sis and those perverts.  Two, two, a double date, two, THREE!  There they are, an angel on Earth with the sweetest smile but, sadly, no taste in men, and two ugly pervy guys with pervy plans for said angel.

I grab Kaiba.  "Over there!  By the window!" I hiss.

"Right."  He stalks over to the guy with a fancy vest and a nametag.  "I want a table for two by the window," he says bluntly.

The guy with "Steve" on his vest looks him up and down and sniffs.  "Do you have a reservation?"  I guess he's not impressed with Kaiba's looks.  Or mine.  We're not exactly dressed for the occasion.

Not that it matters.  We don't have a reservation.  How're we gonna-

Kaiba crosses his arms and glares.  "Yes.  It's under 'Kai-' or rather, 'Wheeler'," he states, as if reality itself will bend over backwards and obey the great Seto Kaiba just because he's, well, the great Seto Kaiba.  Looking at him, standing there tall and proud with that look on his face, I can almost believe it.

Steve starts to tremble, desperately flipping through a big book on the counter for anything that even looks remotely like "Wheeler", but in the end he shakes his head.  "I'm s-sorry, ah, _gentlemen,_ but I'm quite sure we don't have any reservations under that name."

"And I am equally sure that you do."  Kaiba casually hands the guy a twenty.  "Check again."

The cash works its magic.  Steve blinks and crosses out somebody else's name before scribbling mine into the book.  "Ah yes, there it is!  If you would follow me, please?"  And he guides us to our table.  It's three tables away from _you-know-who_.  I sit so that I'm facing away from them.  Kaiba sits across from me.  Steve the waiter guy gives us two menus.  "Would you like something to drink, sirs?"

"Water."

I'm too busy worrying about other things, so whatever.  "Yeah, me too."

Steve leaves to get us our drinks.

The fact that I owe Kaiba goes on the back burner.  My sis is way more important.  I open up my menu and pretend to read it.  "Kaiba, what're they doing?" I whisper.

He moves his head a little so that he can see over my shoulder.  So cooperative.  _Too_ cooperative.  "They seem to be chatting and enjoying themselves."

Gah.  "Whaddaya mean, 'enjoying themselves'?  What're they saying?"

Kaiba glares at me.  "How am I supposed to know what they're saying?  Do I look like I have bat ears?"

With just a little bit of effort, I manage to keep my mouth shut.  See?  I'm makin' an effort, Yuugi!  It helps that Kaiba's staying away from the doggy insults.  I guess he's makin' an effort too, though god knows why.

Still, I can't stand not knowing what's going on behind me.  I try to turn around so I can see for myself, but Kaiba shoves my head back down hard and I slam face-first into the table.  "Hey!"  His grip is like steel; I can't pry him off.  Must be the angle, 'cause there's no way even his _fingers_ are stronger than mine.  That's just too much.

"Do you want them to see you?" he hisses.  Good point.  I stop struggling.  "If anything interesting happens, I'll tell you."  He's still not letting go.

Ow ow ow my poor head you sadistic bastard...  "Okay, okay!  You win!  You can let go of my head now!"

He finally takes his hand off my skull.  I rub my forehead where it hit the table.  There's gonna be a terrific bruise on that spot tomorrow, on top of the one I gave myself yesterday.  I look at my menu so I don't leap across the table and strangle Kaiba.  He looks at his menu, then glances over my shoulder.

"Their food's arrived."

Like I care.  "Yeah?  So?"

His eyes narrow in disgust, but not at me.  Weird.  "Your two friends are worse than pigs, Wheeler.  I've seen animals at the zoo with better table manners."

"Shut up," I grumble.  "And Duke's not my friend."  Not really the best comeback I've ever thought up, but I've got a head injury, okay?  Plus, I'm not in the mood to defend those two right now.

The waiter guy comes back with our water.  Took him long enough.  "Are you ready to order?"

Kaiba puts his menu down and orders an appetizer and some sorta steak.  I go with pasta.  Steve scuttles off.

Once the throbbing in my head goes back down, I start thinking about more important matters again, like Serenity.  To tell you the truth, this whole situation's making me a nervous wreck.  They can be doing anything, _anything,_ to my sister right now.  And only Kaiba would know.  "What're they doin' now?" I finally ask Moneybags.

Kaiba glances over.  "Eating."  He sips his water.

I wait a minute.  "Now?"

"Eating."

Another minute.  And another.  And another.  Horrible visions of my sister getting molested are running through my head.  I can't stand this!  "What about now?"  I drink some water from my own glass, trying to stay calm.  I'm overreacting.  I just have to keep calm-

"Having an orgy on the table."

I spit water all over the place.  So much for stayin' calm.  "You _bastard!_" I choke out.

Kaiba wipes himself off, smirking at me.  "Relax and stop drawing attention to yourself, Wheeler.  Be a good boy and drink your water."  He chuckles.  Not even angry I sprayed water in his face.  I guess he's having too much fun.

I spend the next fifteen minutes mutilating my napkin and trying not to think about what I _know_ can't be happening three tables down.  I hate Kaiba.  Hate him.

~~~###~~~

The food finally arrives after what seems like forever.  I dig into the appetizer despite the fact that I want to toss the whole plate at Kaiba's ugly smirking face.  It's not like I get to eat like this all the time, ya know.  The deep-fried calamari's pretty good, but I let Kaiba have the last piece anyway since he's paying.  I think.  I hope.  The pasta's okay, but I'm too stressed out to really enjoy it.  I end up twirling the noodles with my fork and bugging Kaiba every other minute just because I can and I'm petty like that.  At least he's not smirking anymore.  In fact, he hasn't been answering me back for a while now.  Seriously, I wanna know what's going on behind me.

"Kaiba..."

He just keeps eating.

_"Kaiba."_

"Unless there's something wrong with the food, I don't want to hear it."

"Is Serenity-"

"They're _eating_.  They were eating five minutes ago, they're eating now, and they'll still be eating when you ask me again, which is something I am not doing because YOU KEEP INTERRUPTING MY MEAL!"

"Okay, okay, sorry!"  I finish off my noodles even though I'm not really hungry, just to keep myself busy.  I'm not a "sit and wait" kinda guy and not knowing what's going on behind me is driving me totally, absolutely nuts.  Kaiba sure eats slow for a guy with such a big mouth.

I can't not know.  I just can't.  I have to ask-

Glare.  "I have a steak knife."

-but I shut up real quick.  Kaiba's scary like that.  Why the hell did I want his help, again?

I finish eating and pick up an ultra-polished tablespoon just to have something to do.  It's pretty cool how the reflection in it is upside down... and if I angle it just right...

There we go.  After lots of squinting, the light brown and black blobs start looking like people.  Upside down Serenity and party.  Yup, they're eating.  Not that I didn't believe Kaiba, but it's always better to see for yourself, right?  They're just eating.  Well, Duke and Tristan are eating.  My sister's drinking... I think.

Okay, that's not too bad.  I'm feeling better already.  Steve comes to take the plates away and I hear Kaiba order dessert.  I'm too caught up in my spoon to care.

Then Duke lifts something off his plate.  Serenity leans forward and he eases it in.

Tristan looks at Duke, then at Serenity, and lifts something off his plate...

They're taking turns feeding my little sister.

I can feel my right eye twitching.  They're...  They're...

Someone snatches the spoon right outta my hand.  Kaiba.  I frown.  "Hey, I was usin' that!  Whaddaya think you're-"

And I gag as he shoves it in my mouth.

He pulls it back out and scoops another spoonful outta the ice cream he ordered.  I manage to swallow the first mouthful he tried to kill me with.

The bastard _knew_ they were...!  I clench my hands into fists, each one with Kaiba's name on it.  I wish I still had my fork.  I wanna...  I get myself under control.  Breathe, Joey, breathe.  "Kaiba, I thought I told ya to tell me if something hap-"  In goes the spoon and I end up choking on my words.  I'd beat him up, but then Serenity would know I'm here, she'd know that I'd broken my promise to her and she'd be sad and disappointed and _look_ at me...  Damn.  I can't make a scene and Kaiba knows it, too.

"Did she look upset to you?" he asks calmly.  He takes the spoon out and puts it down.

"No, but-"  I get force-fed some more ice cream.  I swear he's enjoying this.  At least he used a teaspoon this time.  You ever try to swallow around a tablespoon?  Not fun.

He lets go of the spoon, leans back.  "Then it's none of our business."

I take the spoon outta my mouth.  None of our business my ass.  The man's useless.  Should've just followed my sister around in a taxi or something.  "You should've told me anyway," I growl, trying to stay calm.

Kaiba lifts an eyebrow.  "And what would you have done about it?" he asks me in that tone that means he thinks I have a negative IQ.  "Attack them in the restaurant?"

I hate it when Kaiba's right.  Not that I'm admitting he's right.  After a while, I sigh.  I give up.  "So what're we gonna do?"

He glances at their table.  "It looks like we are going to follow them to their next destination."

Aw, don't tell me...  I turn around.  Yup, they're gone.  Him and his ice cream and his distractions and _argh_ but they're _gone_ so I guess I'll have to kill Kaiba later instead of right this second.  If I didn't know better, I'd think that he was slowing me down on purpose, but why the hell would he do that?

Steve comes over, Kaiba asks for the bill and pulls out his wallet when he gets it.  He's loaded.  I catch a glimpse of a photo before he closes it back up and puts it away.  He catches me looking and Glares at me.  Touchy.

I manage to finish off the ice cream before we head out.  After all, I don't want it to go to waste.

********************************************************

**TBC...**


	6. and a Movie

**Summary:**  Valentine's Day.  Love is in the air... and what kind of big brother would Joey be if he didn't keep an eye on his sweet, innocent sister?  Of course, he'll need help.  Seto/Joey... eventually.  Follow-up to "To Seto, From Joey".  Post Dungeon Dice Monsters AU in which Serenity recovered her eyesight earlier than expected.

**Author's notes:**  Yes, I got off my lazy butt and did another chapter. It really *is* easier if I don't take over month...

Am now trying to cure a chronic case of unemployment while studying for my math exam at the same time. It would be nice if I got paid for taking the exam, but alas, the world doesn't work that way.

ColeyCarissa: Just wait and see. But not in this chapter :)

darkmus: You read my mind!

ipleasance: I felt that it wouldn't be right for Joey to have warm fuzzies at the restaurant. I remember how it felt when my sister was dating, and I can't see Joey handling it much better than I did. Knowing but not seeing only made it much worse for him. He was sick with worry and not in any mood to play with Kaiba, what with his sister and her boyfriends being *right there*. Maybe my own reaction isn't the standard one between siblings, I dunno.

Shousetsuka1: Sorry about the cliffhangers. I don't know how to stop doing that ^^;;

Vamyric Saiyaness: Thanks! I'm glad you're not expecting a lemon because I wasn't planning one ^^ This will probably cap at 15 chapters at the very most, probably less. And I love Kaiba's dub voice, though it doesn't carry concern very well at times (a little *too* arrogant, I guess)...

**Warnings:**  Occasional language.  Occasional shounen-ai.  

**Disclaimers:**  I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh. Any movie titles that bear a resemblance to actual movies are purely coincidental. And remember, kids, don't grope people.  No feet were harmed in the making of this fic.

********************************************************

**Operation: Valentine**

**Chapter Six:  ...and a Movie**

********************************************************

We wait in Kaiba's car until the Dukemobile's well on its way to wherever it's heading off to (because we don't want to get caught, claims my so-called partner).  Then, Kaiba flips on a monitor next to the steering wheel.  The thing lights up with a "beep" and a map of Domino City shows up on the screen.  After a second, it zooms in on a section, following a little blip labeled "TARGET".

Kaiba taps the blip and an info box opens up with Duke's license plate number, photo, and vital stats.

I hate to say this, but Kaiba's got the _neatest_ toys.  He's such a techno-geek, I'm guessing he'd fry if it rained.  Hell, he could probably nuke the Dukemobile from here.

Kaiba fires up the engine and we're off.  I put on my seatbelt right off the bat this time.  I see him smirk outta the corner of my eye.  Psycho.

"Hey, Kaiba!" I yell over the engine, "Where do ya think they're goin'?"

He glances at the screen, tracking the blip.  "Domino Cine-Movies."  He sneers a little as he drives.  "They have no taste at all."

Like Kaiba has any.  Yeah, yeah, he does, but...  "Nothing wrong with watchin' movies, Moneybags."

He hmmphs and keeps driving.  "The movies they show there are not worth watching, chihua-" He coughs.  "-Wheeler."

I give him a funny look.  He glares at the road, his whole attitude screaming, _one word, and I will hurt you._

Okay, I've been trying to ignore this 'cause I've had bigger things to worry about, but Kaiba's been, well... _weird._  Weirder than usual, I mean.  Makes me nervous.  Something's changed.  It's like we're not even on the same _book_, never mind the same page.  It's like he's following my plan because it fits in with his own.  The Kaiba I know would _not _be driving me around the city outta the goodness of his heart.  The Kaiba I know would _not_ have some sort of dog insult phobia.

Obvious conclusion: this ain't the Kaiba I know.  Maybe the aliens finally came down from outer space and picked up their long-lost spy or something, replacing him with the new and improved Kaiba version 2.5.  Freakier things have happened in Domino City.  With any luck, they'll keep him.

...I'm being stupid.  This is Seto Kaiba, right?

I stare at the guy beside me.  His hair's the right shade of brown, the shape of his nose, the slant of his jaw, that almost permanent angry twist to his mouth, it's the same as it's always been.

Not that I only know him by his looks.  I'd recognize him even if I couldn't see his face, even if he had his back to me.  I spend way too much time watching the guy.  Kinda sad how much he gets under my skin.

And the way he sounds.  It's the same voice that he's had since I met him.  A hard voice.  A voice that can cut.  Except for those times when it doesn't, when it's softer, when he's not angry at the world, like when he's with Mokuba.  The voice is the same.  I'd know that voice even if he disappeared for fifty years and then came back just to snark at me when I was old and grey.  It's not even the voice itself, when you get right down to it.  It's the way he uses it, the way he talks.

He looks at me outta the corner of his eye.  Blue eyes.  Sometimes a little flat and totally impossible to read, sometimes so _alive,_ like when he's dueling and all fired up, or sometimes when we're fighting.  Or that one time we were actually laughing together.

I could ID him in my sleep.  This is Seto Kaiba.

And I really should stop staring at him, even though he's just... letting me... and _still_ lookin' at me outta the corner of his eye.

And I think I see him smile right before he goes totally poker face again.

~~~###~~~

Kaiba eventually parks in front of the theatre, behind Duke's convertible.  They're already inside, so I hurry up and get in line for tickets.

He does that eyebrow thing at me.  "Do you have money?"

I roll my eyes.  "Yeah, yeah, I've got some, we're covered.  Besides, you bought dinner, right?  I'll take care of it."  And besides, he'll think I'm cheap if I make him pay for everything.  Not that I care what he thinks of me.  Better to say that _I'll_ feel cheap if I don't.

Kaiba walks off to check out the movie posters while I stay to buy the tickets.  The line's actually moving pretty fast 'cause everybody's buying tickets two at a time.  Couples as far as the eye can see.  Couples.  I hope Serenity's okay.

My turn comes up after about ten minutes.  The cashier looks at me with a bored to death expression on her face, waiting for me to buy a ticket so she can get on with her job.

Right.  "Two for... uh..."  I check my watch.  7:22.  Then I check the showtimes posted near the cashier and try not to groan too loud.  There's only one movie starting about now, and it sounds really, well...   Duke and Tristan have to be watching it with my little sister, though, so I _have_ to watch it, too.  No choice.  I cough.  "Pshinilindertsovdezr."

She blinks.  "I'm sorry?"

Don't make me say it _again,_ lady!  But maybe I don't have to...  I check to make sure nobody's lookin' at me.  Of course, that makes _everybody_ look at me.  "The 7:15 one," I whisper fast.  I dig some cash outta my back pocket while the girl punches in the numbers.  I give her the money and she gives me a weird look and two tickets to a movie I don't wanna see.

I rush over to Kaiba and drag him to the ticket checker by the stairs before he has a chance to figure out what we're gonna watch.  The ticket guy has just enough time to check the tickets, look at us funny, and call out, "Uh, Cinema 3!  Second one on the right!" before I'm past him with a pissy Kaiba in tow.

"Let _go,_" he hisses at me.  He yanks his arm outta my grip and stalks off towards Cinema 3, all dramatic even without the swooshy coat.

Shoot, I guess I wounded his dignity or something.  Well, too damn bad, it's not my fault he's so uptight I can't even touch his arm in public.  I shouldn't feel bad about it.  I shouldn't...  "Kaiba, wait!"  I run after him.

He stops walking and scowls at me, his arms crossed.

Peace offering time.  "I'm sorry?"

Glare.  "Don't do it again."

I plaster on a grin.  "No problem."

He glares at me for a while, then nods.  We start walking again.

I follow him until I can make out the movie poster right beside the door.  This _really_ ain't my kinda movie.  And the poster's... right beside... the door...

SHIT!

I run ahead and stand in front of it so Kaiba can't see.  _No way_ will he watch it if he sees the poster for it.  Can't have that.  If _I'm_ gonna suffer, _he's_ gonna suffer with me.  Besides, I already paid for the tickets.  The things I do for my sister.

He's giving me a look.  Damn, now he's suspicious.  I cover by reaching out with one arm and opening the door for him.  Poster's still covered.  Smile, Joey, smile.  "After you."

The look's turned into a flat-out stare.

My face hurts.  "Hurry up!"  Me, weird?  Nah.  "My arm's gettin' tired."

After about ten years, Kaiba finally walks through.  I go in after him.  Disaster neatly averted by one Joey Wheeler.  Go me.

The movie trailers are still showing.  The place is packed.  It takes me a while to see, but after a minute I can just make out the top of Tristan's head in the center aisle.  They're probably all sitting together.  I point 'em out to Kaiba and we head for the last two empty seats a few rows behind them, Moneybags just stompin' his way through people's feet and me apologizing for him.  The other moviegoers are giving us dirty looks.  On the bright side, this means that Kaiba's gonna have a helluva time getting back out.  Heheheh.  We sit down.

I check on my sister's dates.  They're just talking.  Good.  Now that I can finally see them and what they're doing, that awful appetite-wrecking feeling in my gut goes away at last.  I can relax now.

The lights dim two minutes later and everybody quiets down.  The usual company stuff flashes on the screen, then the opening credits.  Then the title of the movie in great big man-sized curly swirly red letters.

Passion Island:  Hearts of Desire.

A horrified hiss.  "WHEELER!  WHAT KIND OF TASTELESS-"  I tackle Kaiba and force him back down into his seat before he can run for the exit.  I take a quick look a few rows down.  Good, Serenity didn't notice us.

Kaiba glares at me and tries to shove me off.  "You can't make me watch this!"  Whine, whine, whine.

Everybody around us goes _"Shhhhhhhh!"_  And is it just me, or is everyone making a point of sticking their legs out so there's no way Kaiba can leave?  I hear him growl.

I stretch out and relax so I can keep an eye on Serenity's dates and be comfy, too.  "Suck it up, Kaiba.  It's for a good cause."

********************************************************

**TBC...**


	7. The Oldest Trick in the Book

**Summary:**  Valentine's Day.  Love is in the air... and what kind of big brother would Joey be if he didn't keep an eye on his sweet, innocent sister?  Of course, he'll need help.  Seto/Joey... eventually.  Follow-up to "To Seto, From Joey".  Post Dungeon Dice Monsters AU in which Serenity recovered her eyesight earlier than expected.

**Author's notes:**  Sorry for the delay. I did say, "updates will be sporadic," didn't I? Darn, this one's short. And plotless. Leaning towards pointless.

Unsuccessful job-hunting has put me into a seriously foul, non-ficcing mood. Grrr. Snarl. Now I have the time, but not the inclination. Will try to write something other than livejournal entries despite that.

No sequel for BDAE planned. Might start something else, though, of an experimental, non-happy, non-fluff variety.

darkmus: Why? Because that may very well happen. Or not *shrugs*

Hella: Wow. Thank you. I... can't think of anything else to say. I'm sorry for taking so long to write such a short chapter ^^;;

innominate: Nope, won't hurt you. I'm saving up my sadistic tendencies for the employment section of the newspaper *tears to shreds* :) Say, what does "going dutch" mean (hasn't heard the phrase before)?

Vamyric Saiyaness: Maybe they haven't gotten any "comments", but they sure have been getting a lot of funny looks. Well, it's not like they're *together* or anything, even though, yes, they are sitting next to each other in this chapter. Sort of.

Yami Jazz: Here! *drops more Joey/Kaiba* Hope you're still alive!

Yugi-Redwall-fan: The photo shall be explained... eventually :)

**Warnings:**  Occasional language.  Occasional shounen-ai.  

**Disclaimers:**  I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh. And remember, kids, don't eat anything off a movie theatre floor.  No brains were harmed in the making of this fic.

********************************************************

**Operation: Valentine**

**Chapter Seven:  The Oldest Trick in the Book**

********************************************************

Good cause or not, I want to die.

Some books shouldn't be made into movies.  Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't, but whoever thought a _trashy romance novel_ that sold maybe two copies would make a good movie needs to get his or her head kicked in before the dumbass does it again.

No action, no explosions, and so fake sweet it's like trying to down a whole bottle of kiddie cough syrup in one go.

Don't even talk to me about the acting.

Kaiba's gonna kill me for this.  Not right now 'cause of the witnesses, but man oh man am I in for it.  I can feel it coming off of him in waves.  The deathgrip on the armrests kinda gives it away, too.  He's having what looks like the worst time of his life; lips pressed together in a thin line, eyes glassy from horror and disgust and boredom, all at the same time.  Yeah, he's gonna kill me, if this brain mush doesn't do me in first.

The only good thing about this whole thing is that Duke and Tristan are both passed out from boredom so they don't have to watch the movie anymore.  Unconscious equals no messing around with my sister.  Couldn't have worked it out better myself.  Serenity's enjoying the movie, though.  I guess it's because there was a time when she almost lost the ability to watch movies this... this... ugh.

Too bad none of the other people in the theatre are falling asleep.  Nope, sleep's the farthest thing from their minds.  They didn't come here to see this sad excuse for a movie.  Oh no, this is the kinda flick you take your girlfriend to 'cause it's romantic and all, even if it's not your thing.  The girl doesn't say anything 'cause she doesn't wanna hurt your feelings, but she doesn't wanna watch the movie, either.  You end up with a guy and a girl beside each other, in the dark, with nothin' to do.

You know what that means, right?

Watching romantic movies with your date makes for snuggling.  Watching bad three-hour-long romantic movies that you couldn't care less about with your date on Valentine's Day makes for way too much snuggling, plus other stuff I don't want to know about.

The movie's bad and boring, so I can't watch it unless I want my brains to rot.  The audience is making out, so I can't watch them, either, unless I wanna get punched in the face.  The making out thing means I can't leave 'cause they're in the way.  I can't talk to Kaiba without getting killed, not that I'd blame him, and, oh yeah, shushed by the people who aren't making out.

I can't believe I stayed up late doing my homework for this.  Hours and hours of homework, followed by hours and hours of tossing and turning, worrying about my sister, worrying about Kaiba...

So... tired...

I yawn.  Maybe I'll close my eyes for a bit, spare myself the horrible pain of watching this awful, awful movie.  No harm in that, right?  My sis is safe from _those guys_ since they're already asleep, and it's not like I have anything better to do, and I'm full, and I'm _tired_... so...

The seat cushions are soft, though a little sticky from spilled soda, and the backrest is angled just right so I can rest my head against it.  Nice.  Too bad the theatre's so noisy.  I move around a little 'til I can cover one ear with the backrest.  Maybe not as nice and comfy as I was before, but at least it's only half as noisy.  Good enough.  I drift off to dreamland, the movie's bad speech about "hearts of desire" and true luurve echoing in my mind.

~~~###~~~

I sorta wake up when my nose gets too close to the backrest.  Reeks.  Yuck.  I grope around, eyes closed, for something that smells better, find it, grab it, and go back to sleep.

~~~###~~~

_There's nowhere to run, the doors, the windows, they're gone, the desks are morphing into piles of paper and Fudou's taking off his vest with a spoon in one hand and dice in the other OH MY GOD HE'S GONNA-_

-and I wake up just in time.

With hair in my mouth.

I'm used to that. Food dreams, ya know.  My hair's kinda long and I tend to move around a lot when I'm sleeping.  I even fell outta bed once.  Didn't wake up, but I had a sore back the next morning from sleeping on the floor.

Problem is, the hair's not mine. Smells different.  Tastes different.  Kinda green and foresty...

Just like that, my comfy sleepy haze is blasted right outta my head.  Where am I?

The sound of some squeaky-voiced Barbie girl declaring eternal love to her manly man while orchestra music blares outta the theatre speakers clues me in.

Movie theatre.  Serenity.  Date.  Perverts.

Kaiba.

I try to open my eyes, but I can't 'cause my face is buried in somebody's neck. Somebody's... turtleneck.  And I can feel the cord around said neck that I bet is attached to a locket thing.

I know for a fact that there's only one person in a turtleneck sitting anywhere near me, unless he somehow managed to beat up and crawl over all the other moviegoers, lawsuits be damned.

I'm sleeping on Seto Kaiba.

Oh shit.  Ohshitohshitohshit-

Stop.  Don't freak out.  Breathe.  Breathe.  Breathe.  Eyes closed.  Don't let slip that I'm awake now or there'll be hell to pay.

Okay.  This is me, not panicking.  This is me, staying calm.  This is me, trying to think all logically and stuff like everyone's always telling me to do.

Now, calm, logical me... what should I do about this?

Well, a brave man would let go of the torso he'd managed to wrap himself around, push himself away, look Kaiba in the eye, and face the consequences. And then Kaiba would kill him.  Brave Joey would then have a nice funeral.

I'm all for being brave, but, um...  I'm too young to die.

If I don't move, maybe he won't hurt me. He didn't kill me in my sleep, so maybe he won't kill me if I keep on faking it, right?  Right.  Besides, this is... sort of... not bad...  I mean, it could be worse.  Always look on the bright side.  At least Kaiba doesn't stink.  Far from it.  Smells better than the theatre seats, anyway.

Speaking of which...  From the feel of things, I'm not in mine.  Too firm, too warm, too smooth.

I'm sitting on his lap.  I'm sitting.  On.  His lap.  Half-turned so that I'm facing him, or at least his neck.  But.  Still.  On.  His.  Lap.  There's no mistaking it, not that I go around sitting on people's laps.  I can feel the body heat from his thighs through the seat of my pants.  Smooth, slippery, leather-covered thighs.  The only reason I haven't slipped off his lap yet is because I've got my arms around his waist.

Why am I not dead yet?  Maybe he fell asleep, too?  Yeah, he must've noticed me taking a nap and swiped my idea, the jerk.  'Cause there's no way he'd let me touch him like this if he wasn't.  Asleep, I mean.

Unless...

No, no way, that's stupid.  Kaiba... but... I'm... but he's... but it's an accident since we're both asleep.  Or was asleep.  I mean, I was, but now I'm not, so I, so he, I mean, so I'm awake now.  And he's not.  I think.

Forget that, _why am I still holdin' onto him?!_

I keep my eyes closed while I slowly let go of Kaiba, staying relaxed so that he won't figure out I'm awake if _he's_ awake.  A little squirm and gravity starts to do its thing.  I can feel myself sliding off.  Sure, landing on the floor's gonna be humiliating, but that's gotta be better than "waking up" on Seto Kaiba's _lap._  Can we say _"lapdog"?_  Gross sticky floor, here I come!

But I don't make it to the floor.

My eyes spring open as I feel metal-clad arms go around my waist and drag me back up again until I'm tucked right up against Kaiba's chest.  I close my eyes again before Kaiba notices anything.  I keep 'em closed as he moves around so that he's got a better grip on me.  They're still closed as he mumbles something into my hair.  Hangs onto me tight.  Too tight.  Stupid metal arm cuffs covered in stupid bumpy metal things.  Ouch.  Bet he's doing it on purpose, nasty bastard that he is.

No.  He's asleep.  He's gotta be asleep.  He can't _not_ be asleep, so he's asleep.

I try to gently push myself off of him.  Then I try to not-so-gently push myself off of him.  No dice.  Kaiba's got me trapped.  Pulls me in even closer.

Well.  This is... interesting.

Kaiba likes to snuggle.  Who would've thought.

Help.

********************************************************

**TBC...**


	8. The Best Laid Plans

**Summary:** Valentine's Day. Love is in the air... and what kind of big brother would Joey be if he didn't keep an eye on his sweet, innocent sister? Of course, he'll need help. Seto/Joey... eventually. Follow-up to "To Seto, From Joey". Post Dungeon Dice Monsters AU in which Serenity recovered her eyesight earlier than expected.

**Author's notes:** Another month, another (short) chapter. Arrgh! Apologies for the slow, slow pace. I'll keep at it, though, no matter how long it takes! Oh, and Happy Canada Day to my fellow Canadians :)

FF.net no longer accepts underscores, tildes, asterisks, or Shift-6. How do I do Japanese smileys now?

Job search is going horribly. I'm sick and tired of printing off resume after resume, only to have them vanish into an abyss as if I'd never sent the stupid things in the first place. Nothing lowers morale like getting rejected again and again and again...

darkmus: Thanks for the extra luck! It looks like I need it :(

Kage Miko: Shounen-ai. I'm not hard-core enough to do yaoi... yet ;)

Lilianna: Hmm... maybe he shouldn't be hyperventilating, but, then again, he seems to be suffering from paranoia at the moment... You've probably gone away already, but here's the next chapter. On the bright side, you're probably back by now.

pisces071: Thank you :) As for how long, maybe sometime in the next two chapters?

Sarasusamiga: Kaiba took the upper arm belts off, but not the metal arm cuffs that he wears between the wrist and elbow. I don't know how to get those things off. There doesn't seem to be any, well, _seams..._

ShadowSpirit: Mmmm, chocolate!

Spazishness: I hope you're kidding...

Vampyric Saiyaness: Thanks! And, yeah, it is interesting how Joey managed to maneuver himself over the handrest. Perhaps he had a little help?

Yami Jazz: Awww, the bunny's so cute! Maybe I should carry the whole bunny to the interview, should I ever get that far in my job search. Personally, I don't see how just having the foot can be lucky. It didn't do the now-footless rabbit any good, now did it...

youko-moon: If the story's cut off, try refreshing the page, or emptying the browser cache and then refreshing. FF.net sometimes stops loading the page before it's actually done.

Yugi-Redwall-fan: Thanks! I'll have to save the cookies for later, though. I had my wisdom teeth out and it still hurts :(

**Warnings:** Occasional language. Occasional shounen-ai.

**Disclaimers:** I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh. And remember, kids, look both ways before crossing the street. No clothes were harmed in the making of this fic.

* * *

**Operation: Valentine**

**Chapter Eight: The Best-Laid Plans... 

* * *

**

So here I am, faking sleep so I can buy enough time to figure out a way to get myself outta this mess. Kaiba's still got his arms around me and I've got my arms back around him so I don't fall off. After all, I don't _really_ wanna slip onto the floor, and he's kinda, well, _comfy,_ I guess, if I ignore the armor plating digging into my ribs. How can he stand those things? Don't his arms hurt after a while?

The way I figure it, I can do one of two things: "wake up" and get it over with, or just sit here until Kaiba wakes up, too. Because he's asleep. Because he has to be.

Yeah.

...The more I think about it, the dumber "he's asleep 'cause he's asleep" sounds.

I'm not stupid. I know it's doughnut logic or whatever the hell bad thinking that goes in circles is called. It's little kid "if I close my eyes it's not there" logic. Problem is, I'm not a little kid anymore. Plus, what's the big deal, anyway? I fell asleep, grabbed him, the end.

And he, uh, grabbed me back. Don't know why. Won't find out unless I smarten up.

Figuring that out is enough to make me look.

So I do.

I pull away just a little and look at him straight on, hoping for the best, expecting the worst.

And there he is, looking pretty damn surprised I'm awake. _Of course_ he's awake, too. That's just the way Life is.

The movie soundtrack just doesn't do justice to what I'm going through right now.

So here we are, his arms still around me and mine still around him, and the world's still spinning, and the movie's still playing, and I'm still alive, and we're still staring at each other, trapped in our own little bubble of space and time.

Here we are, staring at each other, waiting for the other guy to break it off, look away, maybe even _say something,_ in some weird game of Eyeball Chicken.

Screw it. I don't like waiting. "Kaiba."

He keeps looking at me, surprise wiped off his face and totally expressionless again. "Wheeler."

So far, so good. I try to keep my face as neutral as his. "What're you doing?"

He blinks a bunch of times, goes white, dumps me on the floor, _flies_ over the seats, and disappears by the time I pry my ass off the sticky wet stuff on the theatre floor.

SuperKaiba: Faster than a speeding bullet, leaps past moviegoers in a single bound.

Well, I can do that too.

I elbow everybody outta my way as I go after him at top speed. They've already dropped their snacks and stuff thanks to Hurricane Kaiba, so it's not like I'm gonna make their day any worse. They do their best to wreck mine, though. I'll never get the ketchup off this shirt.

I take a quick look at Serenity before I head out the door. She's fine. The guys are still passed out in the seats and she's totally glued to the screen. Must've tuned out the whole room since she's still not looking this way or paying any attention to the screaming and yelling. Wow. Maybe I'll get her this movie when it comes out on video. Or not. I'm a better brother than that. The least I can do is get her a _good_ movie.

Okay, he's not in the lobby. Not in the washrooms, either, men's or women's. Got a real good look of my clothes, though. And the ketchup and fry and crumb and popcorn stains _on top_ of the soda and orange nacho cheese stains from my trip to the floor. Where is he, that good-for-nothing stuck up geek bastard jerk-

The car. Gotta check the car. I spin around and head for the exit. If he's there, I'm gonna kill him. If he's not there, I'm gonna kill him. If the _car's_ not there, I'm gonna kill him, but _real_ slow. Kaiba's a dead man. Yeah, I'm pissed. And I guess a little hurt, too. I would've got off his lap if he'd told me- done it on my own, I mean. Not like I would've just sat there all day or something. He didn't have to _shove me off!_ Just a "Wheeler, get off my lap" would've done the trick, but he just _had_ to make a big show of it and mess up everybody's Valentine's Day at the same time. Kinda weird of him to freak out like that, though. Really weird.

This is the last time I'm gonna let him mess around with my head like this. I knew something was up, _knew it,_ but nooo, I didn't wanna push it and lose my ride. Didn't wanna set him off. Well, so much for _that_ plan. At least I'll get some answers outta him now. If I can find him, that is.

Where's the car, where's the car... It's kinda dark out now, but I can still make out the blue sports car. 'Course, the street lights help.

And there he is, sitting in the driver's seat with the engine running. I run out in front of the car to the driver side window and hope he doesn't wanna get away so bad he runs me over. "KAIBA! OPEN THE DAMN WINDOW!" I holler. Can't yell at him if the window's shut, right?

For a second it looks like I'm gonna be Joey pancake, but Kaiba ends up rolling the window down. He glares at me before turning away. "Well? In case you're so stupid you can't tell the difference, the window is now open." Yup, that's the Kaiba I know. Too bad. I liked the other one better.

"What the hell do ya think you're doing, Kaiba?! " I yell at him. "You help me out, you act all _nice_ at me, you buy me _food,_ and then you drop me like... like I'm _diseased_ or somethin'! What the hell's _wrong_ with you?!" I pound the car roof with my fist. He drives me crazy. Crazy. I swear, one of these days, Yuugi's gonna find me in a straitjacket all because of Seto Kaiba. I grab him through the window and make him look at me. "I WANT ANSWERS, DAMMIT! YOU HEAR ME, KAIBA?!"

Kaiba tears his eyes away from mine, looking a little panicky, or as panicky as Kaiba ever looks. "Get in the car," he says under his breath.

_"What?!"_

"Get in the car!" he hisses. "_Now,_ Wheeler!"

I finally notice the huge crowd that's pouring outta the movie theatre. Huge crowd. Tidal wave kinda crowd. The "looks like half of Domino and his girlfriend" kinda crowd.

They're all staring at us.

Right. In car good, not in car bad. Very, very bad.

So I dive in through the car window.

Kaiba swears at me as he pulls me the rest of the way in and rolls the window back up. "You idiotic, third-rate, pathetic excuse for a-"

I "accidentally" slam an elbow in his gut while I scramble off of him and into the other seat. "Hey, you _said_ 'get in the car'!"

He rolls his eyes. "I know what I said! What I meant was, 'walk over to the passenger side door, open it, get inside, and close it,' not 'lunge at me through the window like some sort of rabid animal'!"

I hate him. "Well, _sorry!_ I'm not psychic, ya know!"

"Obviously." He takes a deep breath and lets it out. Then he checks over his shoulder before easing out into traffic. "We're leaving."

Yeah, I never would've noticed that the car's moving. Duh. "But-"

He gives me a tight smile as his knuckles go white on the steering wheel. "Unless you want to wait until the reporters show up?"

Oh shit. I look behind us. The crowd... "Ohmygawd, Seto Kaiba and a _guy?!_" "Where's my cell? Hi, Jenny? You won't _believe_ what I saw-" "You're kidding me!" "Some blonde, don't know who-" "Kids these days-" "-always thought he was gay." "Damn, that's a nice car..."

...Gay? _Gay? _ Huh? What? Who's gay? He's gay? They think Kaiba's _gay?_ Waitaminute, why'd they think he's gay? I play over that little scene outside the car again in my head and things go "click" and I figure out how it must've looked to, well, everybody, with me yelling my head off like some kinda... pissed off date. Yelling Kaiba's _name._

I... oh man. I really, really screwed up this time. Yeah, yeah, he did too, but what I just did... I don't go around wrecking people's lives, ya know? This is... bad. Kaiba can fix it, though, right? I mean, he's Seto Kaiba. He'll just go on the news or something and clear this thing up, right? C'mon, he's _Seto Kaiba._ He's gotta be good at dealing with scandals and stuff 'cause, um, I never hear about 'em.

What if he can't? This kinda thing can cost you your job, even if it's not supposed to. Even if it's just a stupid rumor from a bunch of dumb people. Lots and lots of dumb people, and holy shit, how'd those reporters get there so fast?

Damn. Did I just flush Kaiba Corp. down the drain? Did I just ruin Kaiba's life? _Mokuba's_ life? "...I... Kaiba... I..." I'm sorry.

He just keeps driving. 

**

* * *

TBC...

**


	9. The Truth Comes Out, Sort Of

**Summary:** Valentine's Day. Love is in the air... and what kind of big brother would Joey be if he didn't keep an eye on his sweet, innocent sister? Of course, he'll need help. Seto/Joey... eventually. Follow-up to "To Seto, From Joey". Post Dungeon Dice Monsters AU in which Serenity recovered her eyesight earlier than expected.

**Author's notes:** Yes, I've finally finished another chapter. The end is in sight! I'm taking forever, I know. All I can say is... um... sorry?

I got a job. Yay! Being a cashier is much better than I thought it would be :) It's the main reason why I'm in a good enough mood to start writing again.

Chibi Kai Lover: It won't be sad for long. Well, maybe sad in a "this fic's gone off the deep end" kind of way.

ChibiSmiles: Greetings, fellow Canadian! Erm, I think I've left everybody hanging about three times longer than before. Whoops.

darkmus: I love that pic :)

Dogmatrix: Nope, begging won't help. My desire to write something comes and goes, and there's no telling when it happens...

EvilCriticOfDoom: Yes, they're very spazzy in this fic. I'm just playing around with them here. If their reactions vaguely resemble those of normal people, then it's probably coincidental.

innominate: Doughnut logic is yours if you want it. I think I just made it up, but maybe I heard it somewhere and just forgot. It happens :P And all I know about Chaos Theory is that bit from Jurassic Park (cough). I tried for a library job once. Haven't heard from them since, but that's A-OK because I'm a cashier now. Yippee!

Kage Miko: Hm, there might be some in this chapter ;)

Kioee Manioso: According to Joey: 1) Well, eh, heh heh heh, maybe he thought that I wouldn't go in there? I dunno. Kaiba's weird like that. How should I know if he's crazy enough to run into the womens' washroom? Better to check, right? 2) Yeah, I went in. Ran out pretty quick, though. Whoever said girls can't throw never got nailed by five of 'em.

Madyamisam: I've never been hailed before. Thanks :)

radiany: Yeah, I just needed to break their truce and get Joey into the car. That seemed the fastest way :P

Tuulikki: Thanks! And... squirrels?

Yami Jazz: Mmmm, cookies! (proceeds to stuff face)

Yugi-Redwall-fan: It seems that wisdom teeth removal is worse for some people than for others. Have lots of Tylenol and liquidy food on hand or else you'll get hungry and snarly because you can't eat.

**Warnings:** Occasional language. Occasional shounen-ai. SHOUNEN-AI ALERT! SHOUNEN-AI ALERT!

**Disclaimers:** I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh. And remember, kids, drive safely. No car upholstery was harmed in the making of this fic.

* * *

**Operation: Valentine **

Chapter Nine: The Truth Comes Out, Sort Of

* * *

There's your awkward silences, and there's your _really_ awkward silences, and then there's Kaiba and me. Kaiba and me, speeding off into the night to who knows where 'cause he's the one driving and I'm not about to ask him.

It's pretty late and the streets are too quiet. Yeah, we lost the reporters after about an hour of Kaiba's crazed driving. I guess they gave up when they figured out that the man's fucking insane. Speed limits? Stop signs? Pedestrians? Screw 'em all, he's the great Seto Kaiba and you'd better get outta his way or else! Maybe that's what owning the whole damn city does to you. I said it once and I'll say it again: Seto Kaiba should not be allowed to drive.

Now it's too quiet. No cars. No people. Just us, not saying anything. Thing is, we don't _do_ awkward silences, we've _never_ done the awkward silence thing, ever. He'd spit something snobby at me, I'd snarl something snappy and a billion times wittier back at him, and then we'd keep at it until something broke us up. We can't go five minutes without pissing each other off. That's what we _do_. Kaiba goes outta his way to mouth off at me, and I can't just stand there and take it, so I have to say something back, right? So, yeah, maybe things would be easier if we _both_ just shut the hell up, but... well, he can't and I can't. Don't know why. We just don't do silence. What we have is... is anti-silence.

Maybe I'm crazy, but that's the way I like it.

"Kaiba."

No answer.

_"Kaiba."_

Still no answer.

"Yo, _GEEK-BOY!_"

_"WHAT?!" _he snarls at me.

"We need to," I wince, "talk." Damn, I sound like a girl.

He stops the car. "No need. We're back at your apartment." I finally notice where we are, and, yeah, he's right. He pops open the trunk. "Remove your belongings and go home, since I'm quite sure that's what you'd prefer to do. I trust you don't need me to walk you to the door."

"Kai-"

"Just... just get out, Wheeler. Forget the whole miserable, pointless evening and leave me alone." He gives me a weak glare until I open the car door and walk around to the trunk to get my stuff. I don't want to leave it like this, but he doesn't wanna talk, hell, _I_ don't really wanna talk, either. We just... _need_ to. Having him this kind of mad at me is just wrong. We get mad at each other all the time but this... It twists something deep inside. It makes me want to choke.

I open up my bag to check if everything's there, but it's too dark to really see. I end up sticking my hand in to feel around, taking my time, wracking my brains.

Hmmm. Something bendy... that'd be the rope. Maybe I could tie Kaiba down and make him talk? Pfft, yeah, right. Okay, what else? Hard with glass on both ends... binoculars? Some more bendy things... dunno. Smooth square-y balloon thing... I squeeze it and hear a crunch. Well, more like lotsa little crunches. I guess I found the chips.

That gives me an idea. Not a great idea, maybe, but still...

I run back to the passenger side and hop in before Kaiba can lock the door on me.

Kaiba's Not Happy to see me. I hear his knuckles crack from clenching his fists too hard. "What do you think you're-"

_Fuck fuck stupid bag can't open-_ I finally tear a big hole in the bag of potato chips with my teeth, sending chips flying, and shove it in Kaiba's direction, hoping I can hold him off with the power of the Mighty Spud. It worked once, a long, long time ago, so maybe it'll work again. I just gotta believe.

He just stares at me, so I shake the bag a little. Bad idea, since crumbly chips spill out the sides and onto the floor of Kaiba's fancy schmancy car. He doesn't notice. "Have some?" An offering to the angry god of Kaiba Corp. It's either this or a human sacrifice made up of me roastin' over an open fire. I eat a chip just to show him they're not poisoned or anything. "I bought 'em and all, so it's a shame not to eat 'em, right?"

He stares at me.

God damn it, Kaiba, work with me here. "What, my chips not good enough for ya? Don't like barbeque? What?"

He stares at me, then at the bag, then back at me. I can almost see the gears spinning in his head as he measures this and that and whatever the hell else he's thinking about in that overblown brain of his. The problem with Kaiba, well, _one_ of the problems with Kaiba, is that he makes things way more complicated than they have to be. Chip or no chip. Come on, how hard is that?

He stares at me, I stare at him. And he takes one.

---!!!---

So here we are, sitting in his car, munching on potato chips. Something tells me that the second the food's gone, _I'm_ gone. He's taking his time eating them, though, and so am I, so maybe…

"Hey, Kaiba?"

"Hn." Oh well, better than nothing. And least he made some noise.

"Sorry about the, uh, gay thing."

"I'll deal with it."

I stare at him. "You'll deal with it. Just like that."

Glare.

Okay. If I know my Kaiba glares, that one means "You're stupid", though most of 'em say that, so it's not like I narrowed it down any. Still, it's pretty clear that, surprise surprise, the gay thing's not what's pissing him off. So he's boiling over in that icy way of his, though not as bad as before, and I don't know why.

"And, um, about that movie..."

"Hn." That's not it, either.

Okay. Time to do some fishing. "Things didn't go the way you wanted, huh." I toss out. A no-brainer, but I need a hint, here.

A grunt. "How observant of you."

I keep waiting for him to say something else, but he just leaves it at that. There's dead silence in the car except for the sound of crunching as Kaiba eats all my chips while I hold the stupid bag up for him. I'm missing something huge and obvious, or at least huge and obvious to somebody like Kaiba. Okay, so I'll have to work it out myself. What did I do to set him off if it _wasn't_ the make-everybody-think-he's-gay thing or the bad movie? How did I fuck up?

I go over the day in my head:

He picked me up at my apartment and we drove to Serenity's. Then, he did lotsa property damage. He was fine then, except for being a little weird.

We went to a nice restaurant, where he bribed the staff to get us a good table. Then, he tried to choke me to death with ice cream when I tried to spy on my sister. And then he paid for dinner. Weird.

Then, he choked on 'chihuahua' when he was arguing with me. And he wasn't an alien in disguise. And he smiled at me. Weird.

And then we saw a movie so I could keep an eye on Duke and Tristan. And, uh, stuff happened. _Really_ weird.

How weird has he been? Well, first off, _he actually went with my plan_ and that should've tipped me off right then. He smiled at me, and Kaiba _never_ smiles at anyone who's not Mokuba. He was kinda _nice_ to me the whole time, except for now. He only went into bastard mode after 'I woke up' while he was still, uh, touching me. After his freak-out when I asked him what he was doing, that is. And that set off the whole gay thing.

So to sum up, he picked me up in a flashy car, we went to a nice restaurant and had a quality meal, and he hand-fed me ice cream, and then we saw a make-out movie. Like a da...

...I've never been smacked in the face with a dead fish, but I'm guessing this is what it feels like.

Kaiba leans back against his seat, staring straight ahead. "Have you figured it out yet, or was I too subtle for you?"

I open my mouth, but nothing comes out. I try again. "Guh." I stuff a potato chip in my mouth. Better than trying to talk. I chew on it for a while, force it down, and try one more time. "Guh. Date?" I choke out. Holy shit, we were on a date. He must've thought I knew right up until I point-blank asked him what was going on. Hell, maybe he thought I was _asking him out_ at school and just using the Serenity-Duke-Tristan thing as an excuse. He must've been throwing himself at me, in his own wacky bastard Kaiba way, the whole damn time. And I was totally clueless. No wonder he was so pissed.

Kaiba turns and looks at me for what feels like forever. It's those eyes of his. They're just so... so... I can't say what it is. They're cold, but there's something about them that just sucks me in sometimes. Something that makes the world just him and me. Just him against me, I mean.

He keeps his blue, blue eyes locked on mine. "Of course not. I don't date. It's frivolous, a waste of my time."

Wait. Huh? "So that was..."

He tilts his head to the side, not breaking eye contact. "An experiment. To see if your company was less repulsive than I originally surmised when we first met." He shrugs one shoulder. "A simple experiment and nothing more." He throws me a challenging look.

Uh huh. His whole body language is screaming 'Bull. Shit.' To me, anyway. He's just trying to save his pride. "An experiment?"

He shrugs again. "Or a test. I... Mokuba thought you were... interesting, and wanted you to visit again." And there's another steaming pile of BS. Mokuba, my ass, but I'll play along for now. I think I see where this is going. Kaiba narrows his eyes. "I wanted to see if you were worth his time."

Yeah, I know where this is going. Still, I better make sure or else we'll have to do the whole talking thing all over again. "So am I?" I say carefully.

Kaiba looks at me, thinking. "I don't know. The results were inconclusive." And then he gets this glint in his eye, and that one-sided smirk on his lips, and that always spells trouble for me, _always_. "Perhaps a different, more... direct, approach is called for. And then you can tell me." I'm still trying to figure out what the hell he's talking about when, still keeping the eye contact going, he brings his imitation barbeque sauce-stained fingers up to his mouth and... and... _sucks_ them clean, one at a time. Uh, yeah, he's done with being subtle, _boy,_ is he done, and I keep watching and my eyes go wide, and my mouth goes dry, and my heart's pumping away, and he keeps doing it, and I can't breathe, and I don't know what the hell's wrong with me but the car's too damn small and too damn hot. He finishes sucking off- I mean lick- I mean cleaning his fingers, yanks the chip bag outta my hand, and tosses it into the backseat. He leans in close and there's nowhere for me to go. "You tell me, Joseph Wheeler. Are you?" he breathes in my ear.

Kaiba's totally fried my brain, but even I can figure out what's going on here. That's about as not-subtle as a guy can get while still keepin' it sorta legal. He. Is. Hitting. On. Me. And my body must've forgot I'm straight 'cause it's not minding at all. Man, what should I do? I should just get outta the car, go home, and forget about this whole mess, or...

He leans in even closer and hot _damn_ his body's pressing down on mine and there's just not enough room in the passenger seat and damn damn damn I can't think like this! All the blood's going down instead of up and this _does not happen_ around guys, honest, okay, except for that _one_ time, okay, two times, and why couldn't it be anyone, _anyone_ else, but no, it just _had_ to be Kaiba, didn't it. And he's smirking at me, and he can tell, and, dammit, he's doin' it on purpose, the prick. And the way he's looking at me…

It clicks.

He's serious. It's in his eyes and I can just tell that he's not just playin' around with me. Me. Me no think too good now, um, yeah, snap out of it, Joey...

...Yeah, yeah, we'll see where this goes. Or doesn't go. And if it doesn't work, we can pretend it was about Mokuba all along. Good idea, great idea, the best ever. That's about all I can squeeze outta what's left of my brains before it melts and I move to pull him closer. What've I got to lose? "Mmm yeah. Oh, _yeah_..."

He smiles at that, all satisfied with himself, and goes back to his side of the car, leaving me sweaty and gasping and hanging in the passenger seat. I guess you could say I'm kinda disappointed and really, really PISSED OFF. I was expecting... I want to... I don't know what the hell I want from him, but what the _fuck_ is he playing at?!

I'm about to let loose with the swearing, but then Kaiba suddenly pins me down with his gaze and I'm frozen just like that. "Are you in a rush to get home, Wheeler?" he asks me.

I get my breathing back under control, murder goes onto the back burner, and my brain is back in the 'on' position. Oh. Oh, he's asking if I'm gonna run out and call the cops on him. The horny haze goes bye-bye and I'm left with real life, complete with messy hair, a food-stained shirt, a lap full of crumbs, and potato chips everywhere. "Uh, no. No rush. I... I'm okay." It'll probably hit me later, but right now I'm okay. We're okay. "Why?"

He taps the monitor by the steering wheel. Info scrolls across the screen. "It seems that our trio has gone to the park." He watches me, fake casual. "Stargazing, perhaps. The weather is decent enough for it."

Trio? Who... oh, right. Serenity, Duke, Tristan... Whole other world. My great plan to save my little sister is on an all expenses paid trip to Hawaii courtesy of Kaiba Corp Airlines. For Kaiba, the plan was never about them in the first place, but I was just too busy playing Big Brother to see it. And Kaiba was being all sneaky about it and not telling me we were on a da... date. Experiment-test thing. I swallow. The ball's in my court. If we go after them, then our not-date's still on. If I drop the plan, it's over. I think. Damn, I wish Kaiba'd go back to being as subtle as a brick to the head. Am I reading between the lines right?

What the hell. "It'd be a shame to let'em get away now, right? We could go to the park, you and me." I look away and try to find something to do. My fingers still have potato chip gunk on them. "If you want to, I mean." No tissue in sight, so I just stick them in my mouth like I always do. I'm still sucking on them when I suddenly realize that maybe that wasn't such a great thing to do, what with Kaiba still staring at me and probably getting the wrong idea and all. I can feel myself going red and I wipe my hand off on my shirt. It's ruined, anyway.

"I think I'd enjoy that." A slow smirk creeps across his face. "Don't stop on my account."

"Shut up and drive, Kaiba."

* * *

**  
TBC...**


End file.
